oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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