she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
