How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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