Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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