i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
