Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
