and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
