her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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