his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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