Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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