i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
