i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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