you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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