You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
