I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
