mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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