So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
