two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
