I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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