Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
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I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
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I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I came so hard my ears popped.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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