im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
