If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
