is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize