mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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