Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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