Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
