Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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