I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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