my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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