dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
