That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
