Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
