We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
