I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm too high and old for this...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
