I can't watch pbs sober anymore
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
