if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
