Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
