My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
