i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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