then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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