It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
