He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
