omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
