I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
