you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
