i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
