I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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