Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
