If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
