Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
