Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
