broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize