I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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