I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
