ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
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Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
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I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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