I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
