you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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