Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
