I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
