Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
