It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Damn victory sex feels great
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
