conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
