just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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