and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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