I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
