apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
did i walk over a car last night?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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