It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
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I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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