I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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